I hate that I become so paralyzed when I'm a little overwhelmed. I mean, I've had almost this entire past week to do tons of stuff and I've only gotten some of it done. They say, if you want to get something done, give it to a busy person. I'm much more productive when I'm frenzied, unfortunately. Otherwise I'm like one of those pathetic housewives from The Feminine Mystique with all day to get the housework done but who can't help but drag it out to fit the time available. I can't look out at an empty calendar of five days and figure out where I want to squeeze in the maybe three hours of work I have to do. Only this morning did I start to work on some assignments. I need the pressure of a time constraint. I'm sure I won't start practicing for my exposée on Wednesday until maybe Tuesday morning before class. I will never understand why it seems so much easier to freeze up and waste time than to get shit done and revel in the amazing feeling of having accomplished something. I feel great when I have clean laundry, a tidied apartment and all of my homework out of the way -- yet somehow I'm not addicted enough to continuously seek that high.
Tomorrow I am determined to get some lesson planning done. Aside from the thought of lesson planning, I'm almost excited to get back to 14-hour days and the triumphant feeling when I'm finally horizontal after a long day of trying to engage kids.
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